Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
