I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
