1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize