I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
