Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
