Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
