Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
