he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
