So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
