i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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