BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
