I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
