Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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