I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are a genius and a whore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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