The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
