she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
