Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
