C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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