last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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