SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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