Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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