I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize