i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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