I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
