bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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