Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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