She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
