I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
