she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize