i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
