so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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