I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
