The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
