We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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