he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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