He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
