The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
