if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
