Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
