so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
