I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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