just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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