break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
