I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
