it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
