She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
