Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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