smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
