the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
