I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
is that a dick in a sweater?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
