i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
