i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
