dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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