He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is Oprah even human
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
