Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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