Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
