did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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