no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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