That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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