White coat. Heels.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
