So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
