your thong is hanging out like whoa
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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