The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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