I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
