Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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