I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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