Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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