"it" just moved
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
