i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What a dumb baby whore.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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