come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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