she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
