U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
